From Escalator to Landscaping Parking Lot, Trump Presidency One Long Joke

How Four Seasons Total Landscaping perfectly encapsulated the Trump experience.

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John Minchillo/AP Photo.

The president announced on Twitter that there would be a press conference at the Four Seasons in Philadelphia on Saturday. Trump then deleted that tweet and clarified that he didn’t mean the upscale hotel, but rather the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot. The lawn care store is “nestled nicely between an adult bookstore and a cremation center.”

Or, as one Twitter user noted, between a c*ck and a charred place.

Trump’s political career ends the same way it began, as a joke. From escalator to landscaping parking lot, Trump failed to act with any semblance of professionalism or dignity. Instead, his era must be labeled what it is — a farce.

The Trump presidency crashed and burned in a dilapidated parking lot next to Fantasy Island Adult Books & Novelties and the Delaware Valley Cremation Center.

Rudy Giuliani, the event’s main act, failed to offer specific examples of electoral fraud or malfeasance. In Philadelphia, a city where “bad things happen,” there remains only one case of provable voter fraud. A man in nearby Forty Fort was arrested for attempting to cast a vote for President Trump under his deceased mother’s name.

Biden is currently leading the Pennsylvania count by around 150,000 votes. There is one example of fraud, and it is on behalf of the president, not against him. Things aren’t looking good for Trump here.

Back to the landscaping parking lot. The location was apparently chosen due its proximity to the highway. The area’s Republican leader, Tom Matkowski, claimed the local GOP was not in the loop about the press conference, and he added that the owner of the landscaping company didn’t appear to be active in local party politics.

The event itself was a disgrace. Beyond providing no concrete evidence for election fraud, one reporter at the event noted that it was hard to hear Giuliani speak due to an underpants-wearing man yelling about George Soros. Signs at the event included “Biden laptop matters.”

Additionally, the first man to speak at the press conference was Daryl Brooks, a registered sex offender. In the 1990s, Brooks exposed his penis to two underaged girls, aged 7 and 11.

In what can only be described as perfect timing, the election was called by all major media outlets during the press conference. Some reporters were instructed by their editors to leave the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot while the event was underway. And they did.

SNL had a bit of fun with the press conference as well. Kate McKinnon, impersonating Rudy Giuliani, said, “I’m glad I made it here on time because first I went to 30 Rocks, that’s a granite quarry in New Rochelle.” (The television show is taped at 30 Rock Plaza.)

Of course this press conference was a joke. Why wouldn’t it be? If there was widespread fraud, provide the evidence. If democracy is under attack, don’t go golfing.

After the event, the landscaping company began peddling merchandise, like t-shirts with “Make America Rake Again” and “Lawn and Order.”

The Four Seasons Total Landscaping press conference fit perfectly with 2020. Trump, for his part, also fit perfectly with 2020 — getting Covid-19, getting fired, and potentially facing eviction from his current residence.

But 2021 is already underway. The transition from insanity to normality is beginning to take shape. After news of Pfizer’s successful vaccine broke, President-elect Biden released a long statement, thanking the scientists for their work, acknowledging the difficult logistical challenges for vaccinating an entire country, and reminding Americans to remain vigilant. The current president tweeted in all caps about the stock market going up.

President-elect Biden also announced his Covid-19 task force advisory team today, comprising of a bipartisan group of infectious disease experts. What a pity — not a single son-in-law or pillow salesman.

It is difficult to predict what singular moment I will think of when I look back at the Trump presidency. I thought it would be the Muslim ban, the separation of children and parents at the border, or the gassing of American citizens for a Bible photo-op. Instead, perhaps, I will remember that sparsely attended press conference at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot.

The one next to the dildo store.

political science researcher. former valedictorian. reader/writer. host of “Politics Mostly” podcast.

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